Sharing custody does not need to be a difficult or contentious arrangement. An entire family may benefit from parents working cooperatively.
In addition to prioritizing healthy communication with one another and adhering carefully to the terms of the parenting plan, co-parents also need to prioritize consistency for their children. Parents who make an effort to standardize household schedules and rules for their children can help their children thrive despite changing family circumstances.
What are the benefits of consistency?
Children of all ages need structure to understand what people expect of them and to meet those expectations. If they are subject to different bedtimes and daily routines at each home, they may struggle to remember what their parents expect of them. They may also come to resent the differences between the households, which can lead to them acting out in some cases.
A consistent schedule at both homes reduces the chances of disputes at bedtime or difficulty getting the children out of bed. Knowing what to expect from the day ahead can help children feel more secure going about their daily lives.
Having the same expectations regarding behavior, the completion of school work and household chores at both homes can also help children more readily meet their parents’ expectations. When personal responsibilities are the same regardless of where they are, children can more easily meet parental expectations.
The shared rules implemented at both households can create a sense of predictability that can lead to enhanced emotional stability. Children are less likely to feel stressed, anxious or resentful when they are subject to the same boundaries and expectations at both households.
How can parents establish consistency?
Sitting down to standardize rules and expectations at both homes is an important step toward optimal co-parenting arrangements. Parents may want to establish a current schedule and set of rules, as well as standards for adjusting the schedule and rules as the children mature.
They may also need to develop a shared calendar that contains important events, such as birthdays, as well as demands related to school schedules and extracurricular activities. Parents can then ensure that the children are aware of any unusual adjustments to the family’s schedule and prepare them appropriately.
Parents should also prioritize communicating with one another about scenarios in which the children have struggled to meet expectations or have violated the rules. Regular communication makes it easier for co-parents to support their children with their homework and other academic needs.
The establishment of shared rules, consistent schedules and regular communication between co-parents can reduce the opportunities for conflict. The less conflict the children witness between their parents, the easier it may be for them to heal from the trauma of their changing family circumstances.
Co-parents hoping to provide their children with a nurturing and stable environment usually have to work cooperatively to achieve that goal. Sharing parental rights and responsibilities is often easier when parents work together and maintain the same standards for their children. Of course, this is all so much easier said than done. Thankfully, seeking personalized legal guidance and support is always an option as a family’s circumstances unfold.